I woke to find the day was night
The mist of dew dried out
The morning jay’s song of delight
Replaced by music’s drought
I woke to find the trilling birds
Had flown down south for summer
The snow had come of cold curse words
And war beats of fate’s drummer
I woke to find an era gone
Its dreams dead for re-gift
An age had come and now twas done
And I never knew it lived
© Viktoria Nikola (2018)
Like the typical Russian, I love Pushkin’s work. It’s so profound and heartbreaking and it captures the very essence of all tortured souls. Unfortunately, it’s really difficult to translate and make it sound as good in English as it sounds in Russian. Nonetheless, I tried. Here’s my favorite Puskin poem, translated by yours truly.
The Angel
By the gates of Eden, an Angel, gentle
Shone with his softly drooping head,
And in the darkness a Demon, rebel
Over the hellish ravine fled
The sp’rit of doubt and of negation
Looked at the other one of good
And in a flame of forced elation
For the first time, he understood
“Pardon,” he said, “but I have seen you
And not in vain you’ve shined me light
Not all in heaven I had hated,
Not all on earth I had despised.”
Alexander Pushkin
Translated by Viktoria Nikola
I didn’t choose to be a paradox
It’s simply so unorthodox
And seem to be a dark anomaly
A weird asserted mystery
Somehow defined by ambiguity
Make rational decisions stupidly
I didn’t wish it, but here I am
I am a lamb; I am a ram
I’m definitely undefined
Confused, refused, then re-defined
I am not sure and yet assured
That when time comes I am insured
I’m two unlikes on the same end
I am a good, which good amends
Stranger than thou, weaker than thou
But somehow plow a larger plow
Two parallels run within me
Both magnet polars, complexity
I seem to live in joyous death
Yet I take pleasure in every breath
Unsatisfied in my content
And happily at times lament
I live inside pure non-conformity
Thus love’s a burden, hence I am free
© Viktoria Nikola
I’m running to the finish line
And I ignore the pain
I’m running to the finish sign
Soon I will win; soon I will reign
I’m running, but the goal’s far-set
Nor do I hear my chanted name
My victory’s a silhouette
For I have promised the crowd my fame
Deep in my veins I feel the rush
Of triumph’s gold-heaving breath
And in my ears the audience’s hush
Is pumping, throbbing, killing death
Inside my heart I feel the joy
I sense the soon relief
And then despite the ache decoy
I soar, I fly, and I believe
There is no one to say I can’t
Although I hear this cry
For blessed God, whose blessed grant
Is confidence doubts can’t defy
For me, there’s no more time
I’ve won, I’ve reached my goal
I am the victor, calm, sublime
And I am great and I am whole
© Viktoria Nikola
I have the universe within me It is a wonder of a thing It borders with eternity And carries me on wings Its billions stars of fire Its trillions moons of ice Give rise to bright desire Then drop to arctic vice There gods consort with angels There demons scheme a war There Logos is no stranger Truth there turns into lore There emp’rors build their kingdoms And priests anoint their heirs There queens fight for the freedoms That pauper peasants scare I have the universe within me Though others think me mad “Too grand a thought, chéri” “Come down to Earth, comrade” To them I’ll lean in slyly “A secret you I’ll tell: This universe within me Is within you as well” Viktoria Nikola
If only I could hug the sea, The way it holds me lovingly To kiss its cheeks as sailboats do Those freckling flirts on blue green hues To blanket it, its callous waves With passioned heat of love-sick rays To tuck it in with twinkling lights The diamond cloth of kings and knights Inspire it - the wise wind's game A lovers trick, caress its mane If only I could write a poem As worthy as its lacing foam But words are futile this task amiss Such lines I seal with a meek kiss Viktoria Nikola
Strange it is, to love a light When darkness rules my glee I am not sure I know this sight As I’m not sure I’m me For in the night, when all is dark How does one know the day? How does one love, when hate intact Berates each shining ray? Viktoria Nikola 2014
When I used to be a goddess in the life passed long ago I must have lived amongst the stars, in a cosmic gemmed château Crystal columns dressed in moons opened to my g’lactic yard Where I’d catch the raining diamonds broken from old starry shards Shooting comets, dancing clouds, rings of planets, glittered mounds From my balc’ny’s view I’d see heaven waltzing round and round And I’d flash across this lot, steering loyal stallions Suns in my hair and in my gown, glowing like medallions But now in the world around me, in every shadow of each nook I wonder where my stars are. To find the light where must I look? Where are those twirling comets, that intergalactic ball? Where is the music swirling that so easily all enthralled? Where is my crown of gold suns? It’s too dark in this life for me When is this blizzard ending? Will it ever be calm at sea? Perhaps I’ve dreamt up my greatness, though it feels real in my core Perhaps I’m truly the goddess of dusting and sweeping the floor Perhaps in my desperation to escape mediocrity I believe I feel nostalgia when I see sky’s divinity But I’ll hold onto this feeling, it’s the candle to my shade For without it I shall shatter, lose my spirit and then fade Viktoria Nikola
I wrote this one for a friend going through a rough time. It's a bit short, but I figured I needed to bring the message across quickly. There’s strength in numbers, But truer is this: There’s strength in a love That dares to exist There’s hope and there’s faith And light there is too So be not afraid, My friend: I love you Viktoria Nikola
To all the moments of sheer beauty To all the breaths we’ve held in awe To all the words of all the stories We heard as youths our jaws ajar To all the hues of every vista To all the petals of perfume To every stem an ant has conquered To every plant that ever bloomed To all the faith of arms outstretching To all the trust in every truth To all the gusts in every glory To every heart that’s loved anew To every note of every concert Or every tone of every song To all the chords of all the voices Who shouted louder than a wrong To all the waves of all the changes And all the waters of stern seas To every mind that wandered strangely Towards darkened depths, yet let it be To all the tears of joyous smiles To all the hope of days to pass To every star in every trial That led us through our daunting past To all of you, oh treasured presents, I toast a drink of bubbly whim Continue to defy our limits Let’s fly upon your wings of vim Viktoria Nikola 2012
